It's over right
Then why? How?
Why do I feel like I'm still gasping for air? Harder than before?
I have all the reasons to end it.
Then how come,after all that has happened, I feel so, down-hearted..

A mixture of hatred and sadness is starting to grow in my heart again..
I feel like another scar was re-opened.
I'm finding it quite hard to accept...
It's as if, THOUGHTS are running in my mind. Two thoughts to be precise..
[First thought...]
It's saying that if given another chance, I'd tell you all the things I kept in my head.
If given another chance, we'd fix things again, and try to make things better than before.
If given another chance, I'd hold you again 'cause no matter what, I'd accept all the flaws I see in you 'cause from the very start, I already did---- no matter what others say to me.
[Second thought...]
I'm taking into consideration, everything that I've said, and in order for me not to be a hypocrite, I'd rather accept the fact that the past is indeed past.
I won't be able to do much but to wait, and mend other problems...
I'd be considered as a fool if I cried my heart out every night... since it's over, I shouldn't have reasons to cry anymore.

*hayssssssss* with these thoughts, they just get more confusing everyday.
Sometimes, I feel like staying away,
But most of the time, I fake a smile and try to go by.
If there was a " ctrl+alt+delete " in my head, I'd END the action of hurting myself, hurting you, and hopefully, other painful memories...

My stupidity led to--- obviously nothing. And I apologize for that..
Honestly, I really am.....


EDIT:

Other turn of events just made me feel more useless. Now, I feel like, I'm a total waste and that I'm just another "speck" of dust in this so called planet earth. I feel like I can't even contribute to the simplest of things to help others. I'm starting to feel like a total failure!!!! NGH!!! Why is everything turning and ending up like this!!!!!!! My brain keeps on telling me that I'm nothing. That everything I'll do will just be placed to waste and I myself will wither with time....



How can a simple thing called "LAZINESS" ruin my life like this?! D**** it!!!!!

just kill me now...